I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
