she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
