"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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