who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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