i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
did you just send me my own nude
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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