I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
