pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
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