I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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