Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
