1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
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It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
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You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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