i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
farters have to be the big spoon...
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
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