my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
