dude i'm inner monologue high
nutella sex= disaster
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
