I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
