i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
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