I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
