You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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