so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
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I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
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Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
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