people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
