weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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