I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
