Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
