I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
