If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Randomize