I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
