I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
it was like eating out sand paper
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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