We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
this is an emotional support booty call
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
