I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Randomize
