Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
