Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
