i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
