member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
