Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
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