Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Randomize
