i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
BRING THE BAGELS
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Randomize
