I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
