Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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