i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
why do cheetos always look like penises
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Randomize
