Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
