the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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