I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
30 People Reveal The Moment They Realized: ‘Oh Sh*t, I’m An A**hole’
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
30 Tiny Celebrity Tattoos You’ll Want To Run Out And Copy ASAP
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.