I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD