I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize