Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
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