i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
