Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
