and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
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