just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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