Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
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I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
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We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
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