She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Did you pee in the oven last night??
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
