I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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