Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Randomize
