i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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