i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Randomize
