She went from zero to smokin in five shots
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
