He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Randomize
