My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
