Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
