The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
