He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I just found a bag of teeth...
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
