if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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