just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
