were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
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