Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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