I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
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